i have this thing

wherein i think twice (thrice?) of saying/writing something because im afraid of how stupid it will sound. so this blog is kind of something i set up to be my therapy (self-made but hopefully effective). haha i know, tanga lang. basta, im on my way to being MYSELF again! whatever that means.


i just feel the need to babble. truth is, i am so annoyed at myself for trying so hard [all day] to be apathetic on this shit about my parents fighting. it has turned into a silent, cold war. my mother locks herself in her room all day when my father is here or when mother is in the living room, father goes out to walk the dog or something or work. i want to cry so hard but that'd mean im accepting the fact that this fight is serious. fuck it. i know how serious this was when my mother told my father that "this is the last time..." but i dont know. maybe it's easier to believe that they will work this out like they did with their previous problems. i even asked Fio about her experience on her parents ending it, but i don't think it's the same.


anyway, i dont know if life is being nice or just playing pranks on my emotions but whatever it is, she's making me feel good.


1. having friends say they miss you and being with you is such a natural thing makes me feel so blessed. the girl friends i made (harnessed?) in diliman are very special to me. they're the kind of people who'd be happy for your successes and won't try to bring you down. i am still very lucky ♥


2. i didnt realize how busy ive been until Haze messaged me [on Y!m] on how MIA [my words not hers] i have been. I hardly text or pop in for a hello, she says. Come to think of it, it has been more than three weeks since I last talked to her!!--and to think, we're in the same small campus that is UPLB!! I promise I will make time for her this week, it's just that my academics has been so crazy demanding (haha i know, im so GC! but the pressure is just too much!)

Haze and I (circa Aug2009)

3. So I had this friend(?) in high school. Well, I never really thought of him as a close friend.. but apparently, he thought (thinks!) of me as one. I used to have a teeny bit of crush on him pa naman way back for a short period of time because of his humour☺ I swear, it was so short. Im happy he's happy right now especially about this gerl he wants to kwento!  So, nothing, nakakatuwa lang na Japheth is making the effort to remain friends kahit na we used to talk dati ONLY because we were seatmates! Plus, he has so many friends kaya na he can tell stuff to! In this world eaten by pride, very rare makakita ng people who'd really go out of their way to make you feel special--especially in a very non-romantic way. Kaya nga I love friends like these (hello Yzal, Haze, Kish, Daile, Jein, Anna, Fio, Rhyz, Pach, Joy, FabU, Mickey(?), Dannyboy,


4.and, well, lastly Y. I dont want to put his name here 'cause maybe im just majorly assuming things! it's just i think he's misunderstanding our friendship. i dont have any feelings for him whatsoever! i love him as a friend and sana he thinks of it as that, too. wala lang, when we saw each other day before yesterday kasi, he was kind of... heh. this is why i hate being friends with single guys who are in these phases (teen to young adult)!! some of them [not all!!] kasi are just there to make friends because they think it will lead to something more. BUT I REALLY HOPE IM JUST ASSUMING THINGS.


Im tired of typing. Have lots to say pa sana but Im tired. Sorry for my not minding my apostrophes and grammar. first of all, im not OC on them and 2nd, im letting my brain not work too much because I have to rack them this coming week for exams and scientific papers! UGH.


XXXs