Unfortunate turn of events

Eff it. There was not a single bad emotion yesterday. Is it really how the world works, give you the best day of your life today, the worst the next?


My parents are fighting and listening to my mother shout at my father like this makes me feel like it's the end for them. I REALLY HOPE NOT because I don't know what's going to happen. My sisters are so fragile and I dont want them to experience the trauma. I would never want my parents to split up because even though they fight and misunderstand each other a lot, they are the ones who make me believe in love whenever they hold hands or look at each other.


Somehow, I feel like it's indirectly my fault. My mother has sacrificed so much for this family. My father did too, but he still had more of his freedom to do his own thing. My mom sacrificed her work and independence for us. And I feel so bad. Because I think it's her greatest frustration. She always tell me to never stop working even if I get a husband because she does not want me to end up like her. I always cry whenever she says that--but never in front of her. I feel so bad, so mean and selfish.


WHY CAN I DO FOR HER? FOR HIM? FOR THEM, if they will still exist after this.18 years down the drain, if ever not.


LASTLY, why cannot I express so much the sadness, but the analysis of it. Am i really losing my [emotional] appetite for everything?